Ben is 9 months old! 9.5 really and when I think about how far we've come something inside my heart swells with pride and relief until it threatens to burst inside me. I'm afraid at his first birthday I'll just be a puddle on the floor - as I always have and continue to view his 1 year mark as the end of all things madness regarding his diagonsis. Not the end of the road, but ask any cleft momma out there and they'll resound with how they could breathe after their baby turned one. We don't have long to go but we do have one more surgery to brave before then - and apparently this one is the mother. It's just happening. I'm dreading it but also wish it would come quicker because this boy is al.most.done. My forever champion. Could anyone guess something so strong came in such a small, chubby, blue-eyed bundle?
Ben crawls (army like most of the time, but can also go hands/knees), pulls to standing (but prefers pulling to knees), says and signs a word(!!) with the correct meaning - "more", says mama all over the place though I doubt he means it to mean me, laughs all the time, never cries really, and also, as of today, I think he finally gives kisses on cue! I've been working on this forever and I think he's got it down. He even adds an "mmm-mwah" in there. He also has two big sisters who are crazy in love with him - one 100% of the time and the other I'd say 75% of the time with the other 25% worried about what Ben is going to take away from her. I will let you guess which is which. But this boy is growing up well-loved, to say the least. Siblings also have the added benefit of practicing his speech with him all the time. When he makes a noise, "mama" "yaya" "wawa" - they answer back and then Ben answers back. Very helpful. Thank you, girls.
Ben is a sleeping champ - he doesn't quite take 2 naps a day. All of our kids lost their first nap early only I think I have handled it the best with Ben - instead of trying to fight two naps or just leaving him out way too long before an afternoon nap - we do what we like to call the "rock nap" which happens to also, well, rock for us. Midmorning we give Ben a bottle and usually end up falling asleep ourselves and both Ben and momma/daddy get a 20-30 min power nap. The girls do... something.. while we are in there. I have no idea what they are out here doing but I cherish rocking Ben to sleep. Then he'll take a solid afternoon nap and never really be wanting for sleep. And by that I mean being fussy. Ben is basically never fussy. He wakes 1x a night - sometimes not at all. 1x a night is mangeable and I don't even like to lose that one. Rocking in a dark room while the world sleeps is pretty sweet. Sometimes absolutely painful and miserable during the diaper change and bottle making - but once I'm rocking in that chair we settle in and I love the cuddle. Since I've never been able to bring Ben into our bed with us and nurse/sleep, the chair cuddles are as good as it gets. Ben is also in love with his frog still and when you put him down/mostly asleep - he'll reach out his chubby little arm and grab Froggers around the neck and draw him close. Bah! So sweet. (Also, this only further confirms my gladness that I subbed out the pink bunny - just saying.)
And, at 9 months, Dec 1 - I dumped the pump. My supply, if you can believe it from all those 60oz days of old, was seriously waning so much that it didn't make sense to keep going based on the amount of stress fitting in a pump caused me now that Ben is mobile (not to mention $81/month to rent it). Not to mention the two other children running my life. And it was getting real hard at the end - so physically painful. Since around 7 months we supplemented with one bottle of formula a day and then at the end of month 8 due to my supply we just kept upping the formula ounces bc my body was bowing out. After we finally found a formula he would take, I got great peace about it. I really wanted to be able to give him milk through his surgery, just because of the antibodies/amazingness, but it didn't work out and if ANYTHING this year has been a giant lesson in learning to let go of expectations I have about how things should be. God gives greater gifts than I can imagine or think of and Ben has taught me so much about trusting His plan and His ways - so throw not making my 1 year pumping goal into that boat and call it what it is. On one hand not pumping is LIBERATING BEYOND BELIEF, omg. On the other, returning that blessed/stupid pump wasn't just a mindless decision. Oh this year, how you never cease to find new ways to stretch me.
And, at 9 months old, we finally decorated Ben's nursery. Holla. This is a bad pic and I still have some stuff to hang - but I'd call Ben and the girls' room the best decorated rooms of the house. This is just to show what we did with the color. It was so life giving to convince Matt to do a lot of hard work turning Ben's room into beauty. This old house was so dirty/gross/outdated and slowly, slowly we are bringing warmth and life back into it. Stay tuned cause Matt loves me so much he's ripping out the carpet next. PTL.
And so I look forward to the next two months with so much sweet anticipation.
If you would like to read someone's account of palate surgery - check out this lady who has been a few steps ahead of me the whole time. THE MUSGROVES
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