In a crazy amazing turn of events, Amira was in TEXAS and able to be with us/our kids during the first part of this showdown. So wonderful to have someone with you that you don't have to explain anything too or fill some sort of silence or time. She was a life-saver in the taking care of our other kids department. I feel like this has always been true of Amira? She just keeps on keeping on.
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| Gaming, 2nd generation. |
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| Little loves |
The foley balloon is a terrible, terrible way to start labor. In the world of real labor you get a rest in between contractions. There is a start, a peak, a fall and a rhythm to the contractions. You can feel one about to start and you can get ready. Balloon labor is more like - constant pressure/discomfort mixed in with contractions that are hard to tell when they are coming or stopping or peaking because you are already having constant pressure from the balloon hanging out up there with your baby. So I closed myself in my room and balloon labored myself silly. Walking, sitting, heated rice sock (made on the fly by my husband), swaying... for what felt like hours and hours. I finally convinced myself to lay in bed where I had very unrestful "rest." At midnight I got up to use the restroom and when I tugged the balloon came out. At this point there was audible praise unto the Lord happening. I was SO grateful this part was over. Excited to get my "rest" before my scheduled 5am arrival time I started to go back to bed when I realized I was still having contractions. The real ones. The ones that you don't ignore and hurt and you can't talk or walk through. I looked at the clock and thought "I can make it until 5am" and went back to bed. Unfortunately laying down made me even more uncomfortable with these timeable, coming regularly, painful contractions so I paced and walked and hung out in my bathroom laboring solo. Around 3 I decided that maybe these weren't "left over" balloon contractions (which I thought they had been) and started timing them. Every 5 minutes another and another. By 3:40a I had had quite enough. I was VERY tired and hurting and to be honest, I just wanted drugs. I had been undecided because I didn't want to stall my labor but at the same time, getting some rest before the madness that is cleft feeding sounded nice. I thought I would only still be at a 4 and thought about how long I had to go. I called my Ob to ask if I could come in but she didn't answer the after hours phone! I called 4x over 10 minutes. Maybe she was delivering a baby - I don't know - but then I called the hospital OB department and they told me to come right on in even though it wasn't 5am yet. So at this point I feel like I am in annoyed labor. Annoyed that it had to start this way, annoyed at how hard my body handled that balloon nonsense, annoyed that I had had 0 rest. I walk into our bedroom and say one word: "Matt!" He looks up and I didn't waste any time explaining anything - I just used my finger to make a "round it up" motion and said, "Lets go!"
This is maybe my favorite part of my birth story: Matt knew we would be going to the hospital at 5am. I woke him up at 3:45am and he was not one tiny bit packed. He didn't know though that the balloon had put me into actual labor and I was quickly turning into a sterotypical in labor hugely pregnant lady. I huffed and puffed through contractions and frustration at my dear sweet husband as I watched him run around the room throwing stuff into a backpack. At one point he went to the bathroom and started doing his hair and I gave him a very nasty look and said, "really!? we need to go!" I was sick of laboring at home! We make it into the car and head off. Again - as always - a middle of the night rush to the hospital. And really, praise God - because who wants to be in labor in traffic!?
We get there and when I walk in they direct me to my room. I had a stop a few times on the way to work through contractions but when I got there I have almost never been so happy to be in a place! After all the wanting this baby to be out - the day had come. There was no turning back. Jack was being evicted! They do all the hullabaloo check you in stuff and my ob comes by. She asks how I'm doing (she had texted me not long after my last phone call to just come in) and checks and tells me I've made it to a 6. She also "apologized" that the balloon had done the one thing they told me it wouldn't do - put me into labor! But a 6 is a good place to start out. Then we talked about an epidural. I told her I was worried that since they couldn't do much to induce me if I couldn't walk around or change positions if it would slow down my labor. She basically told me she wasn't worried about that. I asked her if she had one for her baby - she did. And I was all for it right after that. Epidural. Let's do it. Rock it out.
I dont know what time it was when I got the epidural - maybe close to 6:30am? Then afterwards she breaks my water. I lay down and rest while my body gets to it and I told Matt to go to bed too. Sleep deprived Matt is not a pretty thing. It took some convincing for him to believe that I really didn't "need" him (epidural = almost no work) and he laid down. I was so cut off from all people/phones/texts during this experience and I was so grateful. I really didn't want anyone getting a play by play of my dilation. I just wanted to feel no pressure and let things happen as they would happen. We spent the rest of the day in quiet - a calm before the storm of what we thought was just cleft things.
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| Neccessary |
My body hurried to a 9 - and then "9.5" with a little bit in the way that hung out there for about 2 hours. Finally after I refused pitocin once to see what would happen, I agreed to let them try it out to help me be complete. So, I would just like to say that even with my epidural I could tell pitocin contractions were different - and they gave me the absolute lowest dose. So, I'm glad that I was never straight up induced that way. I am also so glad I had the epidural because she kept trying to manually manipulate my cervix and I have had that done without an epidural and watched a friend go through it - and lets just say it isn't. pretty. The nurses and my midwife kept telling me what a big baby he was going to be - I guess because they could see him when my stomach would contract. But at some point when he started working his way down my midwife said, really confidently, "Oh yea - he is gonna fit." Which helped.
I was very nervous about pushing. I couldn't remember if pushing with an epidural hurt (ps - it doesn't really, just a strange tingly pressure sensation) and all I kept thinking about was how big this baby was and how I have a Csection scar and I didn't want it to bust open. The epidural button doesn't let you give yourself more dose than you can have - but when she told me it was time to push I was laying down on that button like crazy. So! Nervous!
All in all, it wasn't so bad. I pushed for about 3 minutes. I kept needing them to count for me and they were all slacking on the job. Poor Matt was counting way to slow! But before we knew it he was out.
He wasn't doing so great when he was first born - his first apgar was 4 - and he was blue, floppy, not crying, etc. They had some NPs from the NICU there when he was born "just in case" - same with Ben - due to the birth defect to make sure there wasn't more that would need addressing. Turns out Jack had quite a few things to address - mostly his lungs not being ready for the outside world and being full of fluid. It was kind of nerve racking - realizing that your baby isn't crying and seeing how blue/floppy he is - but at least there was already a team in place who was working on him. Finally they get him tuned into life but he needed oxygen. They were worried about the fluid in his lungs and wanted to take him to the NICU to evaluate and see if he would need antibiotics and they said the stay for the is usually 24-48 hours. So, from the beginning, that is sort of what I was thinking in terms of our stay. They, thankfully, let me hold him and see him for about 3 minutes before he left and then Matt/baby went to NICU and lo and behold, even with my VBAC, I was babyless in a hospital room right after having a baby.
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| My first (and last) time to hold him for almost 2 days! |
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| Looking much like Ana (and delivered by the same midwife!) |
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| Destination: NICU |
I was however, in much less despair, and being my fourth, I think I really, in that moment, had some good perspective about how small a window of time this would be - not to mention that it really was clear that Jack needed some extra help.
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