The Specalist

Possibly the one person I hang out with on a semi consistent basis. Besides my family. Why do I need to see this man every two weeks!? Why do they give me pictures of my son's genitalia at every. sonogram? Poor dude.

Truth be told, he is really very nice although he is a man. I would never willingly choose a male doctor. Meh.

And I get to see 3D images of Ben when I go! Doing so helps us evaluate the cleft - like knowing that it is only unilateral (not bilateral), it is on the left side and at this point doesn't seem to involve his nose very much - that is good news. He also keeps looking for that other kidney that could be there... somewhere.

But, unfortunately this dude can tell me anything. He basically tells me anything that comes to mind if it seems like that could possibly be something they are going to look for/watch for/blah, blah, blah. And I don't enjoy that part so much. I'd like him to just stop talking actually. But this is my new life soooo, I'm gonna suck it up and push through!

Here are some Ben pics:

3D images of babies in the womb creep me out!!!!

In other news, Ana is the cuddliest, sweetest little toddler (when she isn't acting crazy) that ever was. She was going through a phase of madness a month or so ago, just totally not listenning to me and acting out - but I feel like that has calmed down some. She is starting to learn what is allowed and what isn't and mostly is sticking with what is allowed. I'm grateful for this change coming about. Also, Z polices her pretty well - so there is that. Big sister love. 

Ana says things like, "I dunno!" and "where daddy?" with her little arms turned up. She also has started correctly answering questions with a, "yeah!" or "noooooo." That is also helpful. Crazy toddler/can't talk yet/doesn't know what is allowed or not is for me the hardest stage. Especially when Zoe is SO complex and I can have whole conversations with her - it's hard to go back. 

My mind is totally fried and not paying attention to this post 100%. It's late, I'm also in the middle of making home made cinnamon rolls, I just watched the finale of ANTM and Tyra didn't pick the right girl, again! I'm all over the place - but I wanted to at least write some sort of an update about the kiddos.  Esp the specalist dr since I referenced it last time. 

In terms of emotion, I have good days and kinda rougher days when I feel really nervous about feeding issues. I hate pumping and my hate of pumping is making me tense up, even now before I have to produce any milk! Which isn't the best, really. And I'm pretty sad that I probably won't be able to nurse this baby... and that in itself makes me nervous because I don't know what to do with a baby I can't nurse! That was basically my answer for everything last time - and I'm just a visual! learner! so all this abstract stuff is hard to imagine....

so really, I just need it to be March! Besides then I can face all of this around a couple margaritas and chips/crack at Chuy's with my girls.

mmmm don't those look goooood!? 

yeah, well - the bottoms are totally black - which is what I get for multi-tasking, esp late at night!

mwah.