Jack's Surgery (First)

Back in September buddy boy has his first surgery. I was -dying- to get this surgery done because he started having a reaction to the tape we had to keep on his face and his little cheeks were just so raw! On top of that his NAM didn't fit anymore so it was constantly falling out and we were holding it back in or trying to find it. I was over it. So, so over it. He is such a giant/strong baby that I think the process was just breaking down and I was losing my mind!

My comfort level with this surgery was so much different than with Ben. When the pre-op nurse called to get us registered for the surgery the week before at the end of the conversation she asked what questions I had - and I literally could not think of a single one. Same place. Same doctor. Same procedure. Not much fear of the unknown!

The only real emotional feeling I had about this surgery was maybe in the last few days leading up to it. I had focused so much of my energy on -hating- how the NAM situation was falling apart and being so excited knowing that surgery would kill the NAM I sort of lost track of how I am, again, handing my wee baby over to surgeons and anesthesiologists. I had a mini freak out session thinking about it and then basically just pushed through. The only way through the hard parts is, indeed, through them - no?

Besides unilateral and bilateral the only real difference between Ben and Jack's surgery was the time. I think for Ben we didn't have to be there until 9am but with Jack our *arrival* time was 6am. Excuse me, what? This means in order to pump, get ready and get out the door by 5:30 I had to wake up around 4:30am. Add into that that I needed to wake Jack up to give him his last bottle around 1am and he didn't really go to bed until 10pm the night before... oh man. All that to say, I was le tired.

430am does NOT suit me

Abba and Nana were on some serious abba/nana duty while we were gone. The 2 day period we were gone was Zoe's first day of dance at a new dance studio and Ana's first day of prek. It was a lot to keep track of but they rose to the occasion like champs! Thanks Abba/Nana!

Tiny Dancer

Big truck Abba!

Ana's first prek day!

Abba/Nana weren't the only ones working so hard. Poor Mrs. Hala had to come take the first shift at 530am the day of surgery while they drove down. It. Was. So. Early! Look how she isn't even wearing her pajamas! What a pro!

Jack is so unaware

This time around was just so different because we knew so much more what to expect. We got there, waited a bit, 1000 people came into the pre-op room to meet us and sign papers (even another fellow!!). Jack did great this whole time. He didn't fuss even though they were waking him up and so many strange people were coming in the room. He was (and is) so smiley and just loved seeing everyone. I really just wanted it to be over. Well, what I really wanted was like 5 more hours of sleep and THEN for it to be over.

The wait bounce

Before pic!

While Jack was being babysat by the expensive surgeon we had breakfast where the lady had to cook the eggs per order! I think we spent like 30 minutes waiting on eggs. Matt even *spoke to the manager* about how ridiculous this situation was. The egg lady looked like she hated her life. We've been to that hospital quite a few times and we've never seen this happen. We asked her why she was doing it and she said management which is why Matt was like "how could this possibly be better?" While Matt was off fighting his egg battle I was off trying to find ALL THE COFFEE IN THE WORLD to awaken my body. It didn't work. I felt so awful and sleepy the whole time. We watched some comedians in cars and basically didn't seem to be giving off the appropriate "kid in surgery somber vibe" of the waiting room parent. It wasn't that I didn't care or I wasn't desperately wishing Jack didn't have to go through this - I just felt much the same as when I first found out about his cleft. This is happening. It just is. And there is not one thing I can do about it. Ben taught me that painful lesson and Jack gets the benefit of having a momma who has already fought the battle of learning it. She is a bit more chill and probably much more fun to be around.

And then we got called back. THIS is the most anxious part for me. They let you know he is out of surgery then send you back to the waiting room while he wakes most of the way up. The fact that he is out of the OR and just a few rooms away does it to me - I'm done. I'm ready to see my baby. As soon as the called our name to meet him I just ran back there. He wasn't fussing as Ben had been - mostly he was peacefully laying in bed.

My sweet boy with his raw face!! :(

And so, lip recovery began. Mostly this means holding Jack while he drug sleeps it out. So for a whole day/night we cuddled and cuddled and cuddled with Jack.

We had so much time and I had such a lack of other children that Matt and I sort of didn't know what to do with ourselves. He had a lot of school work to do so I mostly just lounged around and tried to sleep. That night Matt went out and got subway and we watched Night at the Museum 3 in the hospital room. Overnight we took some shifts but for the most part little Jack was just sleeping. He started to wake up a lot more the next day and immediately started eating good amounts of food. This was really different than Ben. So, because he is such a champ - we got to go home around 12 the day after his surgery. Matt had to Skype into an all day class he was missing so it worked out perfect that he could drive us home on his lunch break. That seemed a little insane.

So confused. 

And somehow we make it through the first week of no-nos and cleaning/protecting his stitches and we make it to take out the stitches day! Matt had class again so I had to get a babysitter for the big kids while I took Jack solo. The whole ordeal takes about 30 seconds once he is back there and of course, Jack did great.

kickin it solo with the wee babe

not the purple gown again momma! 

Day of stitches removal!

One day while we were at Hope Chapel while I was still pregnant with Jack - early on, because I don't think we knew the gender yet I remember praying and thanking God for this fourth kid. And while I was praying I very clearly felt like this child of ours was a child of Joy. Both that he would be brought forth in joy but also that he would promote and exhibit joy to those around him. So far, this has proven to be so true of Jack. All he wants to do, even after crazy surgery on his mouth, is smile at the people around him. I'm grateful for these boys and their incredible personalities. So, so strong in their tiny little ways.

At the last surgeon appt!

And so we close the first cleft chapter and leave behind weekly appointments and the NAM and tape and so many stressful things. We aren't due back until Feb. when they synced up Ben's yearly with Jack's palate evaluation before surgery. In spite of all the crazy, I can honestly say I am so grateful for the ways God uses these things to grow me up. Would I prefer my sons to not have this unfortunate burden? Absolutely. But, again, being in that we have so little control over anything - at least so far they seem well equipped for the task before them! Champions.