This is how you ring in the New Years when you are thirty/almost thirty. Please notice how two of the four can barely keep their head up. We made it though - midnight! New Year! 2016.
2015. I lost my job of 10+ years as the older couple I cared for needed to be moved into assisted living, I graduated cosmetology school, Ben broke a bone (twice!), we gave birth to our fourth kid and then sent that kid off to the NICU, survived another baby surgery, we had a house leak that necessitated giant remodels (twice), sent two of our besties off away from us (again)...but right at the end there we also managed to gain two sets of besties back and I landed another, perfect for our family, job. It all sounds so crazy to say out loud.... gets me thinking about 2016 and what the future holds.
So far, 2016 has been treating us pretty well. Like I said we gained back some of the dearest people to us - people that it actually, literally felt like real heartbreak to send away when they left. It's like a little miracle that God gave just to us. And obbbbbviously to those people's families.... but also like a little whisper of Hope and Encouragement from the Lord that He hasn't forgotten us.
I'm working so super part time (7-11 hours a week) - actually using my license! I was pretty sure working this small of an amount wouldn't be possible due to the types of schedules most cosmetologists keep but again, the Lord provided where I did not see a way. It's been a great addition to our family life and bank accounts!
Early in Jan Ben had his speech appointment to be reevaluated for therapy. I'm not sure if he "passed" or if he "failed" - but whatever the terminology he no longer qualifies for speech therapy. In Portable A at the school district's high school where they do the screenings for early intervention I almost lost it. Teetering on the edge of complete mom pride breakdown I had to excuse myself to the tiny bathroom and regain composure. I can't even say with certainty what it was that brought thick sobs to the surface except to hear, for once, a specialist in Ben's life evaluating him as "above average" and "right on track." Before having my first cleft baby there were SO many unknowns. The feeding issues, the surgeries, and also the speech. We knew it early that Ben was having trouble making sounds and wasn't quite as far along as he would have been without the cleft. He easily qualified at his first eval for speech. He has just made such giant advances this past year! To know him and his personality and to hear how well he was doing was too much for this momma heart. Recently we were watching home videos and some shots of after Ben's palate surgery came up. Rocking with him in the hospital - drugged out and with bloody saliva running down his mouth I had to ask Matt to skip it. I physically couldn't watch it and I ended up crying at the sight/memory. Ironically I did -not- cry then. The days in the hospital and the intense aftermath of palate surgery didn't include much, if any, of me crying. The home video combined with the speech appointment has left me feeling that maybe, possibly, I might have some pent up emotion about these cleft babies that I don't often let myself feel. I have, to put it one way, truly been storing up and pondering these things in my heart these past three years.
As January has flown by we are doing much of the same. I feel like we are in the holding zone until the next surgery. Jack meets with the surgeon early in Feb to discuss and likely schedule his own palate repair. In my quiet times with him I have been praying the same things over him that I did with Ben. For strength and courage and health for the fight ahead. This one is harder in some ways - least of all that they are older and more aware that you are leaving them and when they wake up they seem extra confused and in pain. Strange things these surgeries are. I simultaneously look forward to and dread them.
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